I’m tired of using public loos
That smell of unwashed floors and p - - ?
So come with me, we’ll look elsewhere.
The loos we'll use, we’ll choose with care.
Well, before you visit any town
Look for hotels of high renown.
I’ll tell you what you could expect:
The loos which show you some respect.
The latest toilet seats are warm.
Enjoy their comfort, then perform.
Press “bidet” if you want to wash.
My word! You’ll think “This loo is posh!”
Press “wash” and water comes out racing
And leaves your bottom feeling bracing.
You then press “dry” and hot air blows
On parts of you that are exposed.
New-fangled loos, though futuristic
Are not designed to be simplistic.
'Paperless?' Yes, that’s the word,
So . . . . Will you find them quite absurd?
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